Memories Old and New
by Thn0715
Summary: When a case hits close to home, bringing back painful memories for Hotch, Beth helps him understand there is room enough in his heart for memories old and new. Post Ep for the Season 7 Finale, "Hit & Run". Major spoilers.


**A/N: Holy crap it's been a long time! I realized today that I haven't posted a new story since March! My muse ran away, but luckily she's back, at least for a little bit. Hopefully this will not be the only story that gets posted this month. I have two others in the works.  
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**Anyway, this is a Post-Ep for the Season 7 finale, "Hit & Run" and features Hotch and Beth. I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!  
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**Memories Old and New**

The cool early morning air blew calmly across the lake. The grass and flowers danced in time to the melodic sounds of the wind chimes hanging from the corner of the cabin; chimes made with such thoughtful, careful precision they rang in perfect pitch, sounding remarkably like soft church bells in the breeze. Birds sang their morning song as the sun rose over the horizon and a family of ducks took their first swim of the day.

Aaron Hotchner sat in quiet reflection on the front porch swing, wearing grey lounge pants and a plain white t-shirt, feet bare, as he watched nature's peaceful serenity awaken before him. This was such a welcome shift from the two previous days of chaos endured by him and his team. Serial killing bank robbers, a bombing from which his left ear was still slightly ringing, his team – his family – in danger again. Little Henry in jeopardy; God, he knew what that hell felt like. He knew agonizingly well. It was a paralyzing feeling he would never forget.

"Hey," Beth's soft voice broke through is thoughts. "You okay?"

He looked up from his thoughts to see her gazing at him from the doorway of David Rossi's cabin, which he'd graciously lent them for the weekend. She looked beautifully sleepy in her purple and blue plaid lounge pants and his navy blue FBI t-shirt, her dark hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. He couldn't resist smiling at her. He held out his hand to her and she joined him on the cushioned front porch swing. He took the thin blanket from around her shoulders and covered them both with it as he draped his arm around her shoulders.

"You didn't answer my question, Hotchner," she playfully elbowed his side. He grinned slightly. He liked it when she called him that. She's the only one who doesn't call him Hotch. But his grin faltered as his thoughts returned to their last case.

"I couldn't sleep. I think the last two days are finally hitting me."

She looked at him curiously, sincere eyes encouraging him to confide in her. So he did.

"I've been thinking a lot about JJ and Will. JJ is like the little sister I never had. We're a lot more alike than we care to admit. We're both very stubborn. We've both experienced some painful losses, which helps us understand each other. When Haley died, she was the one person who truly understood the kind of pain I was in, the guilt I felt, all the "what-if's" running over and over again in my head. She really helped me cope with all of that.

"But two days ago, when she almost lost Will and Henry…" He shook his head. "It terrifies me how similar our lives have become. That hit too close to home. I'm struggling to let go of this one."

Beth tightened her grip on his hand and rubbed his arm. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"You're here," he offered her a shy smile. "That helps."

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered softly and hugged him.

He felt safe in her arms. He felt protected. Talking had never been his strong suit, but somehow her presence put him at ease, and he opened up.

"There was a period of time two days ago that we didn't know if Will was alive or dead. The Unsubs demanded he come into the bank or they'd kill hostages. We tried to discourage him but he went in anyway."

"Why did they want Will?"

"He and his partner had answered the initial call for the robbery. They pulled up around back and were getting out of the car as the robbers were trying to escape through the back door. One of them shot his partner, so he returned fire and killed one of them. Turned out to be the guy's brother, so he wanted Will to pay for it. We were watching the feed from the security cameras. As soon as he went in and identified himself, the Unsub shot him and the cameras went dead."

"JJ saw that?" she gasped. He nodded. "My God," she uttered, hand going over her heart.

"I'll never get that helpless look on her face out of my mind. There's a certain, very specific hell your mind goes through when someone you love is in mortal danger and despite your years of training, you are completely powerless. Morgan and Prentiss both had to restrain her to keep her from running in after him. I know exactly how she felt. It's an indescribable fear that grips you with all its power and fury and squeezes until you can't breathe, and refuses to let go.

"We finally got her calmed down and developed a plan of attack. We were on our way in when Reid figured out their plan to blow up the bank and called for the abort. That explosion knocked us all on our asses. My ears are still ringing a little."

"Is that why Dave kept asking about your ears?" He nodded and absently rubbed his left ear.

"I was involved in an explosion a few years ago in New York. It tore a hole in my eardrum. The doctors told me if I wasn't careful I could lose my hearing. I had it checked out by EMT's on scene and it's fine. Just ringing but no major damage. Once the ringing let up, though, I could hear JJ screaming for Will and my heart sank. I just knew he was dead."

He rubbed his hand over his face. "We did a search of the building. She found his wallet outside the back door. That told us he was alive. They wouldn't have bothered taking him if he were dead. Dead weight is a heavy burden to carry when you're trying to get away in a hurry. JJ and Rossi went to look for him and while JJ was looking through his wallet she realized his driver's license was missing. The Unsubs had their address. Henry was home with a babysitter."

He swallowed hard against the lump forming in his throat and took some deep, ragged breaths to calm himself. Beth ran her hand soothingly through his hair and rubbed his neck while giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"There is no greater terror on Earth than knowing your child's life is in danger and you're not there to protect him. It's a feeling I would never wish on anyone, especially someone I care about." He took several shaky breaths to calm himself from the hellacious memories of Jack being in the clutches of George Foyet.

"It's a good thing Dave was with her and not me. He was able to keep his head and keep JJ focused and thinking like an agent instead of a parent. That probably saved all their lives. If I had been with her, we both would have ran through that door without hesitation and that could have gotten us all killed. But Henry's safe. Not a scratch on him, thank God. They're all safe. JJ beat the hell out of that crazy bitch. I do wish I had been there to see that." He couldn't hold back the chuckle. Beth smiled.

"She's a lot tougher than she looks, I gather."

"That she is. She always has been. But since she came back, Morgan has been training her in hand to hand combat. Needless to say, 'Pennsylvania Petite' is a very good student."

"'Pennsylvania Petite'?" She chuckled. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "That's Morgan's new nickname for her."

She outright laughed and shook her head. She liked hearing about his team…his family. They clearly meant the world to him. And he smiled when he talked about them. She loved seeing that smile.

"You know," his somber mood returned, "I don't think Prentiss told her that when she found Will he was chained to a bomb."

"What?" her eyes grow wide. "A bomb!"

"Yeah. Prentiss managed to diffuse it. Don't ask me how. Morgan is the bomb expert of the group. But she did it. Two seconds. That's how close it was."

"Oh my God!"

"Yeah."

Hotch sat quietly for a few moments, processing everything he'd said. Beth remained by his side, softly stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.

"I'm so relieved they're all okay," he finally spoke again. "Will's injuries weren't life threatening. JJ had some minor scrapes and bruises from the explosion. Henry wasn't injured at all. I guess that was the kick in the butt they needed to finally make it official. The poor guy has been asking her to marry him for over three years now. I'm glad she finally got her happy ending."

Beth smiled but she could tell he was holding something back. Some specific memory had brought him out here before the sun came up, and though he was relieved for his team's safety and JJ's happiness, there was a melancholy sadness still in his eyes. He finally answered her unasked question.

"I'm glad she didn't have to go through the same hell that I did," he softly spoke as he gripped her hand slightly tighter.

"This case brought back a lot of painful memories for you, didn't it?" she asked quietly. He nodded.

"You still miss Haley." It was more a statement than a question, but not an accusatory one. It was a statement filled with compassion.

"I do." He nodded again, keeping his eyes cast down looking at their clasped hands.

She gently ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck to comfort him. "She was a very important part of your life, Aaron. You shared most of your lives together. You created that beautiful boy together. It's okay that you miss her. I'd be worried about you if you didn't."

"I don't want you to think…" he began, but knowing what he was about to say, she cut him off by placing her fingers over his lips.

"I don't."

He grinned and mumbled a "Thank you," through her fingers.

She moved her fingers away and looked at him with slightly confused eyes. "For what?"

"Understanding. Being patient with me."

She smiled affectionately at him. "I want to tell you something I've been thinking about a lot lately."

"What's that?"

It was her turn to look a little shy though she spoke with absolute confidence. "I'm falling in love with you, Hotchner. Not just with shy, cute Aaron who got tongue-tied trying to ask me out on our first date, and not just with silly dad Aaron who builds forts in his living room and wears a sheet for a cape to play superheroes with his son. And not just with driven Supervisory Special Agent Hotchner, who happens to be one of the bravest, most determined men I've ever met. I'm falling in love with all of you, including the man who still mourns his first true love. A man with a heart like that is truly special. We all have our scars, Aaron," she laid her hand on his chest, "inside and out. Thank you for letting me in, allowing me to really know and love the whole man, not just the shell."

He blushed slightly as he turned to meet her eyes. "I don't know if you realize this, but you've helped me keep my last promise to Haley. It was a promise I had absolutely no idea how to keep."

"What do you mean?"

"She made me promise to show Jack how to love. She wanted him to believe in love because she said it was the most important thing. And she was right. And he's noticed how much happier I've been since you came into our lives. He even asked me a few nights ago if I loved you. He caught me completely off guard with that one," he chuckled.

"I bet he did. He's a very perceptive little boy."

"No question about that. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. I am falling in love with you. I don't know how you managed to break through all my walls, but I'm glad you did. Although I must admit, I'm a little terrified. I've only felt this way about one other woman in my life."

They both smiled shyly at each other. Something about her made him feel like he was seventeen and falling in love for the first time all over again. And something about him made her feel like Cinderella at the Royal Ball. There was something special between them, something they couldn't quite name yet, but wanted to explore.

"There's no rush, you know," she said as she took his hand once more. "Slow and steady wins the race, right?"

"Right," he chuckled, reminded of the reason they met in the first place.

He put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder. They sat together in peaceful silence as the wind ruffled their hair. The fresh scent of springtime filled their senses while the sun warmed the air. She was right, there was no rush. They could take all the time they needed to do this right, to make their own memories. Not often do people get a second chance at love. He was determined to make this one count.

_**The End**_


End file.
